Hard to resist
by Tony Lawrence
Mobile telephone vibrating its way across my dressing table, I reached out before it fell to the floor.
A message waited to be opened.
I pressed the ‘read’ button.
It was Lee. You obviously don’t want to go through with it. I still love you. Can’t you see, you’re wasting your life thinking you need someone you don’t.
Rewinding my mind to last night, I realised I had made a stupid mistake. What had I been thinking? I had to put him right as to what he thought had happened. My mind was like an erratic car heading for a collision. My sister was due to help me get ready for my big day, but things had to be prioritised. Getting dressed, I was out the door of my home and into the car.
Agitated, I turned the key as it started first-time.
Outside Lee’s home, I remained in the car, taking a deep breath.
Leaving the car, I mentally hopped from one foot to the other as I waited outside his door before knocking. As he opened the door, I saw why I had fallen in love with him. He had always used his good looks to his advantage. I used to tell myself it would never work on me, but somehow he got under my skin and soon he and I were lovers.
Pushing myself inside his home without an invitation, he asked, ‘Chloe, what are you doing here?’
‘What do you mean, sending me this text?’ I asked, shaking the phone in front of his face. ‘You know this is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Why are you trying to ruin it?’
‘I think you did that last night.’
Confused, I looked at him.
‘If Stephen was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, why did you come looking for me on the eve of your wedding?’
‘I wanted to ask you to leave me alone. I’ve seen the way you continue to stare at me. I know you’ve always wanted me and was never happy with any woman you had after.’
‘Don’t flatter yourself. You’ve always wanted me as much as I’ve wanted you. Last night proved that.’
I shook my head.
'I came here last night to let go of the past,’ I said. ‘Wanting to tell you I was happy and will never be yours.’
‘So why did you sleep with me?’
‘You knew how much I used to like you and used that to your advantage.’
‘Why come here dressed the way you did? You flirted with me. Making it difficult for me to refuse. Why all the make-up? Why that low cut top and short skirt you knew I liked?’
I gulped. Why had I dressed so flirtatiously? ‘I was out for a few hours and wanted to enjoy my last night of freedom.’
‘But why come to my house?’
‘I wanted to...’ I began, realising last night was a mistake and he read the signs wrong.
Lee smirked. ‘Still unable to face the truth you still want me,’ he said, moving close.
Within touching distance, he reached his hand to touch my face, turning it as he stroked it. I swerved my head to try and avoid it but was too slow.
‘You still can’t resist?’
As sure as ever, he knew he could use any woman he wanted. Use them to have his way, knowing they would come back for more. I had made myself a promise when we finished that I would never see him again, but last night I had been drunk and hoped the drink would have talked for me. Tell him what I really thought.
‘And they say when a person is under the influence of alcohol they speak the truth,’ Lee said. ‘You certainly did that last night. The way you came onto me as soon as I opened that door, I never stood a chance.’
I shook my head. He flipped his hand so his palm stroked my face. The feel of his warm, rough hand bought back many pleasant memories as I drifted back to how he had used them to stroke every inch of me. As my breath started to quicken; my heart galloped. I was unable to resist any further as my lips moved to his.
‘You still want me,’ he said, raising his eyebrows. He had got me and we were halfway to his bedroom once more.
Leaving the bedroom, I imagined Stephen standing at the altar. Why had I lied to myself? I didn’t want Stephen. I had to tell him the truth. With my mobile phone in hand and Lee nibbling my neck, I texted, I’m sorry but I can’t go through with our wedding. You deserve better than me. I’ll always love you as a friend, but can never truly love you the way want.
I knew that when he read it, he would be angry, but I didn’t want to live a lie anymore. I was only with him for security, and it was time for me to stop lying to myself and others.
Tony Lawrence is 50 years old and has been writing for as long as he can remember. He grew up in the South Wales Valleys, but now lives in Newport, South Wales and works full time.
In 2017, after looking for a local writing group, he set up his own and the group currently have a membership of 20. They have self published an anthology and hold local open mic nights. He used to write horror stories only, but since being in the writing group he has begun writing all genres, giving him the confidence to submit his work. He has written two novels, as yet unpublished.